Finding Sympathy
by strychnos
Summary: Told from Zuko's POV, it this story serves a sort of character study on Azula that tries to understand the mindset of this character within her own psychological framework as it guesses at the events that possibly could have followed ATLA.
1. Chapter 1

"Where is my mother?" Zuko hissed as he squatted to face his defeated father in his prison cell. Ozai said nothing, his golden eyes studying his son intently before his lips curled into a triumphant grin.

"What makes you think that she'll want to see you?" Zuko was taken back a bit by the comment but his determination quickly returned.

"She's my mother."

"As if you haven't disappointed us before. Surely by now she must have heard of the way you disgraced your nation, then betrayed it by helping the enemy and stealing the throne away from your sister," Ozai sneered

"I did not betray the fire nation. And the avatar was not the fire nation's enemy. You were. I was helping the avatar save the fire nation from you," Zuko stated. Ozai was smiling.

"Well then, surely you will have nothing to worry about. I'm sure she had that all figured out, just like you." Zuko could see the light dancing merrily in his golden eyes. "I'm sure seeing you honoured with the defeat of the avatar in Ba Sing Se didn't create any confusion." Zuko was against the bars of the cell in an instant.

"Mother was in Ba Sing Se!" He demanded.

"But of course, the earth kingdom capital is the safest place for any...political refugee," at this point, Zuko was sure that Ozai's eyes were laughing at him.

"Ironic isn't it? That despite all the time you yourself was in Ba Sing Se, you've let her completely slip you by. Do still even remember her face?"

"No! You're lying!" Fear and guilt clawed at Zuko's insides. No. This cannot be true.

"Funny isn't it? If I recall correctly, you had also taken refuge in that city."

"Shut up!" Zuko hollered, suddenly up on his feet, his hands clapped over his ears.

"Are you sure you -"

"Shut up! Shut up! SHUT UP!" A fireball struck the cell floor just beside where Ozai crouched. Zuko was fuming, his breath rapid as he glared at his defeated father. Nothing else was said as he stormed out of the chamber, slamming the door behind him.

"Zuko, this is absurd! You've hardly been firelord for over a month! You have duties to your nation that you have to attend to!" Iroh exclaimed.

"This is my mother that we're talking about! You can't expect me to just leave her out there now that I know where she is!" Zuko shouted back, as he furiously packed his travelling gear. Iroh sighed as he walked over to put a hand on his nephew's shoulder.

"I know this is hard for you Zuko, but you have to think about this rationally. There are better ways to bring your mother back then just storming off on your own. You're the firelord now, you can send for other people to find her, you need to establish a balance between your duties to your nation and your duties to your family."

Zuko sighed, " I know uncle, and I'm sorry. But I miss her so much that I can't bear to just wait for someone to bring her back. Besides, she got herself banished for me. To save my life. The least I can do is take the time to go look for her myself. Can't you manage the officials duties for me while I'm gone?"

Iroh shook his head. "I know you have to do this," his eyes meet Zuko's, "and I'm proud of you for choosing to go about this using your own strength...I can take care of your official duties in your absence, but just this once." They exchanged smiles.

"However," Iroh added as he reclined and sleeved his hands together, "I still stand by my suggestion that you cannot go alone, not immediately." Zuko stared at him, his expression full of confusion.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean," Iroh began, eyeing his nephew knowingly, "that you have another more urgent issue to take care of before you leave, and that there is someone that must go on this journey with you if you wish to bring Ursa back."

Zuko frowned, immediately understanding his uncle's implicit message. "You're talking about Azula, aren't you?" Iroh nodded sadly.

"I know what I said back when you asked me to teach you how to conjure lightning, that Azula was crazy and needed to be brought down. But now, she is down and in a lot of pain. It is your duty as her brother now to bring her back to her feet and guide her onto a new path."

"I know uncle," Zuko replied solemnly, "I know she wasn't always like this, I know she once was...good." He paused, the haunting memories of those happy times flashing through his mind. "Uncle, I know. But I don't know how to help her!" He cried out in frustration. "I mean, why would she listen to me now? After all that's happened -"

"She will listen to you Zuko," Iroh explained cutting him off, "because no one else will go to say the things that she needs to hear." The words shocked Zuko, as realization dawned on him. Father didn't really love her, didn't really love any of us. After mother left and I was banished, Azula had no one. All this time, despite all her power and control, Azula was completely and utterly alone.

Every step through the dungeon sounded like it echoed out a voice from the past. Every breath of the cool damp air felt like it had a viscous grip behind it, slowly chocking the life out of him. At last, he was there. In front of the door that lead to his sister cell. With one last breath, Zuko wrenched the door open allowing himself to step inside.

The cell was dimly lit. Even more so than the corridor outside. Zuko had to blink to allowed his eyes to adjust to the darkness. The cell was cold. Much colder than the corridors outside. It reminded Zuko of the coolers back at the boiling rock.

"Come here to gloat, have we?"

Zuko jumped at the voice, before spinning himself around to look over in her direction through the darkness.

There she was sitting on the cell floor in the tattered clothing given to her. Her thick black hair was a mangled mess, her skin was as pale as ashes, and her once bright golden eyes were dull with despair and agony. Zuko could scarcely recognize the person in front of him, the person who was once the proud and distinguished princess Azula.

"I'm pressurized to see you here," Zuko mouthed awkwardly. He was answered by a snort.

"Like you had nothing to do with how I ended up down here."

"That's not what I mean," Zuko quickly tried to explain, "It's just that I sort of expected you to have broken out of here a long time ago." Azula responded with a cold laugh.

"To do what? Scavenge around like a peseant? Make a living off stolen wealth like petty thief?" Her face grew stern. "My pride, my honour has all been stolen from underneath me. There's nothing left for me out there. I might as well just sit here and rot."

"That's not true Azula," Zuko tried to reassure, "you still have me and uncle and - "

"YOU and uncle! YOU! You could never stand that I was better than at firebending, at fighting than you! All you ever wanted to do was put me in my place! Me! Your little sister!" Azula screamed in rage.

"That, that's not true Azula."

"Yeah," she scoffed, "you say that now that you have me all locked up with NOTHING left to look forward to while you get to waltz around with a crown on your head and a seat on the THRONE!"

Zuko could suddenly feel the heat rise in the room. "Get out of my face!" Azula roared. "Get out, get out, GET OUT!"

Zuko barely dodged the series of blue fire blast that were flung at him and he ducked out of the cell. A few more fire blasts struck the door even as Zuko stood well out of site in the corridor. The blasts was followed by that same miserable wail that Zuko heard the day he and Katara defeated his sister, which in turn was followed by sobs and whimpers. The sounds were gut wrenching, and Zuko found himself reaching for the door again, but realizing that he couldn't do anything at that moment, he forced himself to heave a sigh, then left.


	2. Chapter 2

"-and after she blasted me out of the cell, she started crying! What's with that!" Zuko shouted throwing his arms in exasperation. "Uncle I don't know what I'm supposed to do!" Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Iroh shaking his head.

"Azula's situation may be well beyond either of our abilities to understand as of the moment." he commented, before looking up at Zuko. "But perhaps we can benefit from another person's perspective."

"No," was Mai's flat and simple answer.

"But you guys were friends, weren't you?" Zuko pleaded.

"You guys were siblings weren't you?" Mai retorted sarcastically.

"Argh, that's not -"

"She threw Ty lee and I into prison Zuko. Digging up fond memories of her isn't exactly on my list of priorities right now. And, considering what she's done to you, I'm surprised that you're even bothering," Mai stated dryly. Zuko sighed,

"I have to. I need to her help me find mother." Mai's inquisitive eyes quickly found his, and in a flash she had her answer.

"Well if you're that desperate why don't you ask your avatar friends or something?" she suggested with a bored tone. "And don't bother with Ty lee. She's probably still suffering from Azula induced post traumatic stress."

Aang scratched his head while seemingly searching for the nearest exit before giving Zuko a doubtful look.

"Gee Zuko, I wish I could help, but I've never really had any siblings, or parents - well monk Gyatso was sort of like a father and the other kids at the temple were sort of like siblings, but I'm not royalty so..."

"But you were a girl before weren't you?" Zuko insisted.

"What!"

"I mean, in your past life," Zuko explained. "Surely you can get some help there right?" Aang looked doubtful,

"Zuko, its not that simple. Just because I have all this avatar history doesn't mean that I remember anything beyond my own life."

"But can't you, you know, contact the previous avatars and ask them or something?" Aang shook his head.

"I can, bu I don't think that is the right way to go about this," he replied thoughtfully. Suddenly he leaped up in excitement.

"I know, why don't you ask Katara for help?" He suggested, she's a girl and she's a younger sister AND she was even in a leading family like yours!" Zuko blinked in surprise,

"Oh yeah. I wonder why I hadn't thought of that."

"I don't know Zuko," Katara warned doubtfully. "Your family isn't exactly the same as ours, and Azula's kinda..."

"Crazy?" Zuko supplied. Katara nodded.

"Yeah, I know." Zuko stated as he let his gaze fall to the ground. "But she wasn't always like that," he added defensively, "she used to be kind." Katara had an incredulous expression on her face as he looked back up. "Well maybe not kind but she used to care about other people...even though her methods were sort of screwed up. She used to be well...sort of nice. Well, nicer."

"Right." Katara's voice was dripping with sarcasm.

"Oh give me a break! You thought I was evil before too didn't you?"

"Still kinda think you are," Katara smirked. Zuko smacked his forehead with exasperation. He totally walked into that one. He felt Katara give him a gentle pat on the shoulder.

"Its okay Zuko. I understand. I'll try my best to help you help Azula," she reassured with a knowing smile. Zuko smiled back at her.

"Thanks Katara."

Katara looked thoughtful, "Why don't you show me some of her stuff? Maybe that will help shed some light on her behaviour." Zuko nodded in agreement and the two made their way to Azula's old chambers. Zuko opened that door and let Katara in.

"This is it. We've pretty much left it exactly as it was before she was thrown in jail."

Katara glanced around curiously. "Its so pristine. She was really organized wasn't she?"

"Yeah," Zuko chuckled, "everything always had to be perfect with her."

Katara continued to study everything in the room. The walls were lined with various weapons and proverbial texts. A shelf of books and a reading desk sat on the far side opposite to the bed. A quick glance revealed that most of the books were historical war narratives and texts on military tactics and strategies. Next to the bed was a large dresser with make up and hair supplies neatly set upon it.

"Everything here is so practical," remarked Katara, "I would never had guessed that a princess slept here if not for that dresser."

"What do you mean?" asked Zuko, puzzled.

"It's just, usually I would expect to find more...girl stuff in a princess' bedroom. Like maybe some romantic art or dolls."

"Well, its not like we didn't give her girl stuff," Zuko tried to explain. "Actually we gave her quite a lot, she is a princess after all, but she just sort of always burned them." Katara cocked an eyebrow at his explanation, as if he had just missed the most obvious answer.

"What are you looking at me like that for?" he demanded. Katara just rolled her eyes in response.

"Of course you don't get it," she scoffed before explaining, "Azula obviously never wanted all of this, this girl stuff. I'm guessing that you guys were probably too busy trying to fit her into the role of a princess to recognize her for who she was - a smart and talented firebender and leader."

"Have you not seen what we let her do? You know, when she uh, hunted you guys down, blown up the western air temple and oh, invaded Ba Sing Se? And what does that have to do with her turning evil and crazy anyways?" Zuko countered cynically.

"Listen," Katara urged, "When I was in the north pole, I was told that I wasn't allowed to learn waterbending just because I was a girl. That got me so mad that I attacked the water bending teacher who could teach waterbending to me. If -"

"But we've never TRIED to stop Azula from firebending, heck my father PRAISED her for it," Zuko stated as-a-matter-of-factly.

"It doesn't always have to be that outright you know. Sometimes the discrimination is subtle, like giving her lots of 'girl' stuff because you just assumes that's what she wants - oh, why did she wear all that makeup anyways?"

"I'm telling you that' not it!" Zuko responded in annoyance.

"Alright fine, lets take a different approach to this then. What if she was like you? Why did you do all those terrible things before you joined us?"

"Why would she be like me? We're nothing alike!"

"Just go with me on this one for a second okay?" Katara insisted. "I'm suggesting this because you two were siblings - a lot of the same factors could have had an affect on both of you. You know, to cause you guys to burn down villages and stuff."

"That's not fair! I was just confused and angry with myself cause I didn't know who I was, and I thought the bringing back the Avatar would help me find out."

"How do you know that Azula wasn't? She may have used different methods than you and had different official goals, but for we know, the problem could have been the same."

"..."

"Exactly," Katara concluded triumphantly. "Think about it, you were lucky enough to be able to find acceptance elsewhere, away from your father, and move on. But Azula, she was trapped. " Zuko frowned as he tried to digest what Katara had just said. Strangely enough, it made sense. The room as silent as he contemplated his friend's deduction.

"Back when we visited Ember Island after I...betrayed you," he conjured - Katara rolled her eyes, "Azula said mother thought she was monster." Zuko glanced up at Katara. Her eyes shone with sympathy but she said nothing. "She seemed to really believe it...that she was a monster." Catching Katara's gaze, Zuko noticed a twinkle of suspicion in her eye.

"Yeah. I kinda thought so too," he added regretfully. "But I didn't really think that!" he quickly added, "I was just...kinda jealous that she was getting all of father and grandfather's attention."

Katara did not say she believed him nor did she look at him, but her head bobbed up and down as he explained his situation. There was a pause as Zuko waited for her to respond. After another moment of silence, he heard Katara inhale a deep breath.

"After my mother died," she stated, "Dad always tried to treat us fairly, so I don't know what its like to…have to fight for his love. I think that Sokka and I probably wouldn't have gotten along very well either if we did. As for Azula, I can't even begin to imagine what it would feel like to have my mother think that of me."

"No! My mother isn't like that! There's no way that she'd think that of anyone let alone her own daughter!" Zuko snapped. Then catching himself in the outburst, he forced in a breath then directed his gaze through Azula's window to the world outside, before breathing out, his eyes filled with longing. "She loved Azula."

Katara gently squeezed his shoulder, and tried to give him a reassuring smile. "I believe you. I really do. Maybe the reason Azula thought that was because..." she smiled, "maybe, despite everything that she did, deep down...deep down she really felt guilty for what she did. Maybe she didn't really want to do all the things she did," she concluded gently with a smile. Feeling Zuko relax under her palm, she added, "You're mother sounds like a kind an wonderful person. I'm sure that she's still out there. And I'm sure you'll be able to find her."


	3. Chapter 3

Aang and Katara accompanied Zuko to Azula's cell the next day despite his protests. Their presence lightened his mood and made his journey through the dreary dungeon corridors a little more bearable. At one point Zuko wondered how Azula was able to put up with the place for so long. Depressed or not, the dungeon's horribly damp and cold air deserves notice - maybe he should request for some renovations to make the stay here a little more bearable for Azula. Then again, these conditions were left in place to limit the abilities of captive firebenders; can't risk letting out dangerous criminals. Well, at any rate,his companions reached the door to the chamber holding Azula's cell without complaint. Zuko took a deep breath before opening it and stepping inside. The couple did not accompany him. This was a task for Zuko alone.

Azula was lying on the cell's floor, her back facing the metal bars that caged her in. Zuko suspected that she had heard him arrive long before he even got to the door and deliberately positioned herself that way. Despite her obvious resentment to his company, he carefully sat himself in front of her cell, this time dressed in commoner cloths, so as to not provoke her. Zuko cleared his throat, but Azula did not stir.

"I er, I spoke to the water tribe girl yesterday, Katara. The um, the one who sorta, er, helped me defeat you," Zuko stated awkwardly, trying seeing if his words would cause any response. Azula remained motionless. She was obviously trying to ignore him -Azula was always a light sleeper, it never took more than pin drop to wake her.

"She er, she and you actually have a lot in common you know; she has an older brother and she's really talented...like you." he tried the offer. No response.

"I was actually talking to her about you," Zuko continued anyways, "and she said, that you were mad at me, and mom, and uncle Iroh, and well um, everyone cause we treated you like well...like a girl." Silence. Wait, what? Didn't he tell Katara that that theory was invalid? Does this mean he actually think its true to some degree. But its not isn't it? Argh, whatever.

"Well, I don't know if this will help or not, but...I'm sorry," he finished. Still no response. Having anticipated this, Zuko pushed on through.

"You might not think its fair that I went and talked about you with some stranger that you probably hate, but I really didn't have a choice," Zuko pleaded. "I'm not like you, Azula. I can't think like you, or even act like you - if you don't talk to me there's no way that I'll know what you've been going through. And I want to know because I care about you. I really do." He paused and waited for his sister to respond. She did not. Refusing to give up just yet, Zuko pressed on.

"Katara, she said that you didn't really want to hurt people, that you were forced to do it cause of dad or something. You might think I just think you're a monster, that I don't understand... but I do." Unconsciously, Zuko found himself touching the scar his father left on his face. Azuka seemed to shift a bit in her position, so slightly that Zuko could have passed it off as a disturbance of light, but he wasn't willing to believe that. Maybe, just maybe...

"I hurt a lot of people too," he continued. "And I feel felt awful about it. I still feel awful. You probably do too. But I understand why I was that way now. Maybe I can understand you too. When father banished me, all I wanted to do was tear the world apart to find the avatar so that I could get my honour back. And I would have," he smiled, "if it wasn't for uncle. Actually he kinda helped me before that too. If it wasn't for his and mother's guidance, I probably wouldn't have gotten banished in the first place," he added thoughtfully. "Actually, I'm glad that I got banished, because otherwise, I wouldn't have been able to make peace with myself, to find out who I really am. I know I wasn't exactly an exemplary brother to you before, but I'm here now. I'm here to listen."

Zuko studied his sister's still form intently. Azula hadn't moved, but for some reason, she looked more tense. As if she was holding her breath.

"Please Azula, say something," he begged. "I know that I was trying too hard to outshine you before, and I'm sorry. I just...I just want you to know that I don't think you're a monster, and that mother didn't think so either. Mother loved you Azula. She did. Maybe she was a bit confused about you, cause you were you know, different. But she still loved you very much. She probably just didn't know how to deal with you."

"Is that what you think?" The sudden appearance of another voice startled Zuko. He blinked but noticed Azula still remained unstirred in her position. But the voice that spoke was clearly hers. "Just because mother was all sweet talk and hugs with you doesn't make her some sort of saint, stupid," Azula continued, still with her back to him. Zuko opened his mouth to retort, but Azula cut him off. "She abandoned me Zuko. Just like uncle, just like you."

"Mother would never - "

"She went to see you before she left that night didn't she?"

"Yes, so?"

"Well I didn't receive so much as a note," Azula informed coldly. "But don't worry, I figured out why she left - to save your sorry ass of course. All you had to do was smile and not trip over yourself and she'd be all over you. You were always her favourite, and didn't matter what I did. I trained more than you, studied more than you, worked so much harder than you, but all she ever did was scold me. Mother doesn't love me, she loves you. As proof, mother even gave up her life for you. Gave up the rest of us for you. Gave up me." There was a long hollow silence. Zuko just sat dumbstruck as he tried to make sense of what Azula's had just said, tried to think of some sort of rebuttal, but nothing came. Finally, Azula broke the silence with a huff.

"Everything just happened for you. Everyone just flocked towards you without you even having to lift a finger. Didn't matter that I was smarter and stronger, you just got the free pass for being the first born son. Yet somehow, somehow you still managed to always complain about not being loved and respected enough." She laughed, "You have no idea how happy I was when father had you banished. How elated I felt that you were finally going to have to carry some of you're own weight." She paused for a bit, and though Zuko couldn't see her face, he was sure that her expression had just contorted into and contemptuous frown.

"Then, I found out that uncle Iroh had volunteered himself to watch over you in your banishment." She let out a sarcastic snort. "And in case you were wondering, he didn't leave me a note either. Sure, I've always held father's attention, but you and I both know what that really means." Zuko's stomach sank, not sure what to do with the information. Then Azula tilted her head and turned her body slightly and locked her golden eyes onto his.

"So Zuzu, still feeling jealous?"

Zuko's mouth suddenly felt dry as what felt like a sobering wash of cold air swept through him, making his stomach lurch and the hairs stand up on the back of his neck. He opened his mouth to try to speak, but no words came out.

Katara and Aang jumped as Zuko slammed the cell door shut. But before they could they inquire about his strange behaviour, the corridor filled with fire as Zuko roared out in frustration. Then, with a growl, he stalked off without so much as a word.

"I can't do this anymore uncle!" Zuko declared as burst through the gates to the courtyard where Iroh was having tea. "She doesn't make any sense! This is insane! You need to find someone else!"

"No Zuko," Iroh ordered firmly, as he carefully set down his tea. "Azula is your sister, you cannot give up on her. Now, why don't you come have some tea and explain what happened." Zuko scowled as his uncle, but did as he requested.

Iroh listened to him intently as he described the events of the day, frowned and stroked his beared as he analyzed the situations, then closed his eyes meditatively as he went deep into thought. The two sat there silently as Zuko waited for him to respond.

"You may not be able to understand her right now," Iroh began cautiously, "but these are Azula's genuine feelings so you need to take some time to think over what she said. And whether you realize it or not, Azula has just made herself vulnerable to you by opening up and sharing her side of the story. A privilege that ought not to be abused. She's trying to trust you Zuko. If you abandon her now, she probably won't ever again. Then she may never recover," Iroh stated sternly. Zuko groaned in response.

"Argh, but why does she have to make this so hard for me?" But why does she have to make this so hard for me?" Iroh laughed.

"You think it was easy for me? You weren't exactly compliant either you know." Zuko looked over at his uncle, and saw a playful glint in his eyes.

"Yeah, but- "

"There isn't any difference between our situations Zuko. I managed because I care about you, and I am sure you care about Azula." Zuko nodded in response.

"I guess." Iroh studied him but didn't respond to the comment. Then he decided to finished his tea.

"As family, it isn't our job to make it easy to help each other. In fact, most of the time we make it hard. But we will do so anyways, without the expectation of anything in return but the other's happiness, because we want to. That my nephew, is what unconditional love is made of," Iroh explained sincerely. Zuko rolled his and smiled at the sentiment, then slumped onto the grass with a sigh of defeat.

"I know uncle."

The sun was setting, golden rays now warming the surrounding sky into a brilliant red as it sank into distant horizon. Zuko took a deep inhale of the rapidly cooling air around him as he reflected on the day. Azula's angry and lonely words echoing in his mind. Then a curious thought crossed his mind.

"Uncle?" he asked aloud, trying to make sure Iroh hasn't somehow fallen asleep on the bench nearby.

"Hmm?"

"Did you visit Azula after we got back?" Zuko asked inquisitively, "you know, before you ask me to?" He always had the impression that his uncle did, but somehow, Azula's remark earlier unsteadied this confidence.

"She doesn't respond to me the way she does you Zuko. For four consecutive weeks I have sat in front of her cell trying to cox her into conversation while expressing my concerns for her, but she consistently ignores me." Zuko could hear him give a small sigh. "I guess I understand why now."

"So you really didn't leave her a note or something?" Iroh shook his head.

"This may be difficult for you to believe," Iroh explained, "but for most people, Azula is incredibly difficult to emotionally engage, let alone connect with. Its easy to forget that she cares and feels for many of the same things that we do. Personally, it just never crossed my mind that my actions would have any affect on her."

Zuko kept his gaze fixed on the glowing orb slowly disappearing from sight, trying to figure out the implications of his uncle's explanation, what it means for Azula. It wasn't news to him really, in fact he had been dealing with her by using that same assumption until very recently, when he saw Azula break down after the fight with Katara. He had somehow managed to just assume that Azula could handle whatever malice thrown at her, that she didn't have any real feelings. But nobody's really like that are they? Nobody can be invulnerable forever, even her. So if what uncle Iroh said was true, then when she did buckle, when the wight on her shoulders proved to be too heavy for her, or when the anger and hatred directed at her really did hurt her, there was no one to catch her and no one there to bring her to her feet again. Has she always had to suffer alone, slowly breaking down over all these years, barely holding herself together despite her collected and controlled exterior, before finally being overwhelmed by all the drama surrounding their father's defeat? The answer was not something Zuko wanted to contemplate, yet somehow, he knew the truth was even worse.

"Why didn't she ignore me though?" He wondered aloud for Iroh to hear. "Why didn't she just wave me off the way she did you? Its not like I was really nice to her before either." His uncle stroked his beard thoughtfully.

"Perhaps she valued you as a brother more than you thought. Then again, maybe it was just the fact that because you directly benefited from her downfall and aided it, the sight of you stirred too many emotions for her to contain," he mused. "She may give us an answer eventually though, if we continue to reach out to her." Zuko knew where this was all going, and he wasn't about to be asked again.

"Let's go see her together tomorrow uncle," Zuko suggested. "She doesn't listen to you and I don't think I know what to say her anymore. Maybe even if we aren't much help to her much alone, we may be able to reach her together."


	4. Chapter 4

Zuko glanced around the room nervously. Everything from the stoic guards stationed against the walls to the steaming food on the table seemed perfectly in place, but he still felt uneasy.

"I'm not sure if this is such a good idea uncle," he muttered his eyes now fixed on the reinforced iron door barring any entry or exit. He felt Iroh give his shoulder a firm squeeze.

"Whether or not Azula will comply is not up to us. The simple matter is that after everything that has happened. Azula deserves to be able to speak to us face to face, in a manner of equal footing," he replied simply. Zuko noticed him tightening the grip on the sheathed knife that he held his hand. He had been clutching the object with a sense of agitation all afternoon and had refused to tell Zuko what it was for. This annoyed Zuko somewhat but just as he was about to ask again, the iron door swung open.

"She is ready to join you now your majesty," one of the guards informed them as he stepped inside. Zuko nodded in response.

"Bring her in then."

Azula had a look on boredom on her face as she was marched through the threshold to the dinning room set out to greet her. She was escorted by two guards as was still in prison cloths, wrists shackled, and overall still a total mess. She did not trudge along nor try to hold up a regal posture. She just walked in quietly and calmly, as if this was the most normal thing in the world.

"Could we speak to my niece in private?" Iroh requested, also gesturing for them to remove her shackles. The guards obeyed, then filed out of the room without objection, the last shutting the iron barrier behind them with a resonant pang.

Azula didn't even bother looking up at them from where she stood, her gaze loosely focused on the ground. She wore an indifferent expression on her face and remained exactly where her escorts had left her. The food set out for her went completely ignored.

"Guess you've finally got me cornered," Azula sighed sarcastically. "So what is it uncle? Public relations problems? Need me to come out and pose for the public and pretend to be 'sane'? Secretly disappear so that you can pretend that I'm dead? Or is there some covert military operation you want me tp go on? One left only for the damned?" She said sarcastically as she pretended to pick lint of her shirt and check her nails. Zuko wasn't sure how to respond. Did she really think so little of them that she'd believe that they were only here to use her? What is she playing at?

Beside him Zuko heard uncle Iroh breath out wearily in defeat. "As much as I wish I could, I cannot reassure you of the contrary right now," he replied. "You no longer believe a word I say." Iroh's sad and tired eyes met with Azula's. "I just want to you to know that I am sorry, that I still love you, and that I hope one day I can be someone you can trust again."

There was slight shuffle as Iroh rose from his seat and walked toward Azula, who shirked from him venomously. But Iroh gently pulled Azula's right hand away from its defensve position and pressed the knife that he was holding earlier into her palm and closed her fingers around it.

"I heard about the doll," he explained. Then he smiled at his niece. "I didn't get a chance to properly replace it before and give you the guidance that I needed to give, so here it is now. True strength is found not in your ability to defeat your enemies with your strength, but in your ability to overcome them with your vulnerability. This knife was forged by sword master Piandao from the residual ore of a meteorite that one of his students brought him. The water tribe boy, Sokka. Both you may recognize as your enemies due to the war, but I hope you can accept this gift non-the-less, and eventually understand the meaning of my words here."

Azula's glared at the offending object in her hand with distraught and contempt, and for a second Zuko was sure she will burn it too before she tightened her grip on it and looked back at Iroh.

"You haven't answered my question yet."

"I need you to help me find mother," Zuko blurted out in response.

A looked of shock and relief temporarily graced Azula's features before her those of anger and bitterness quickly snapped back into place.

"You're joking." Zuko was about to retort when she cut him off. "If you either of you two think that after everything that has happened, that I still want to have anything to do with you or my mother, you've got your pompous noses in the clouds," she stated bitterly as she let Iroh's knife roll out of her hand and clatter onto the floor. Her mouth twitched as her face struggled to hold back some sort of emotion. Pain? Zuko suddenly felt the urge to reach out and pull her into an embrace, when blue flames shot up from her fingertips. Then a wicked grin crawled across her face.

"Actually, I do have a reason to find mother." She snarled menacingly, as she increased the intensity of her flames. "Can you guess?"

The guards outside must have been eavesdropping attentively because Azula was restrained before she even began her attack. Surprisingly though, she did not try very hard to put up a fight as the guards dragged her back to her cell. Instead she just sneered at her relatives with loathing.

"This is why trust is for fools! You say you want me to trust you, that you love me, but you can't event trust me! You remove my shackles, but only because you have an army stationed right outside the door and because you know I can't win against both of you!" She shouted as she shook with uncontrollable laughter.

Another failure, Zuko thought as the guards hauled her out of his sight. This was supposed to finally be their breakthrough. This was supposed to work! How many more times will he have to go through with this drama before he finally gets through to her? Is that even possible? If not then how on earth is he ever going to bring mother back? Is she even still alive like his father implied? What if she was in grave danger and needed his help? He's wasting all his time here, when he should be saving her! No, he can't let that happen. Mother. He needs to save mother, there's no more time. No. This has to work. He'll make it work. Sane or not, Azula's going to help him find mother.

Without thinking he snatched up the knife that Azula's dropped onto the floor and raced after his sister. He reached her cell just as the guards shut the door behind them.

"I'm not through with her yet," he breathed. They stepped aside and allowed him inside without protest.

"You're lying," was the first thing he said as he walked in and shut the door behind him. Azula just laughed. "No!" He insisted. "You don't want mother to die and you don't want me or uncle dead either. Whether you'll admit it or not, you want to find mother as much as I do, for the same reason. Because you miss her." Azula was giving him the most viscious death glare he's even seen on her. Annoyed by the persisted resistance to his efforts of kindness and still agitated by his previously considerations, Zuko snapped, "I never needed you to go with me you know." Then the words came spewing from his mouth before he could stop them, "I was trying to do you a favour Azula. You don't want to cooperate, fine. I have a war balloon, I know where mother is and I'm leaving for her tomorrow at dawn. Without you." Then he crouched down to meet her at eye level through the bars and held up the knife, still in its sheath. "And since you obviously don't want this, I'm going to take it." And with that he stomped out, making sure to slam the door as he exited.

It wasn't until he reached his chambers and the heat of the moment died down that he realized what he had just done. Did he just taunt Azula of all people? Did he just ask his crazy and maniacal sister to break out of prison? What is he going to tell his uncle if Azula actually goes through with this? And is he supposed to just run off now like he just said he would, even when he promised his uncle that he will stay behind to get this problem fixed before he left, and what about - Zuko jumped as he felt a hand land on his right shoulder, spinning around to come face to face with...Mai.

Zuko didn't even realize that he was pacing and smouldering until he allowed Mai to still him with her firm grip on his shoulder. Looking up from his smouldering hand, he noticed his girlfriend studying him with concern, her hand steady on his shoulder. Eventually, that hand reached up to gently cup and caress his cheek and Zuko was able to meet her gaze.

"Tell me what happened."

"You're gonna dump me again." Zuko let out a nervous chuckle at Mai's satirical remark on his situation, before allowing himself to exchange smiles with her. The couple were now sitting on Zuko's bed, Mai wrapping a spindly arm around him, letting the quite hum of the night settle into the room. Thankful for Mai's sympathy, Zuko scooted closer to her, leaning into her embrace. Mai said nothing and just held onto him, her hand wound across his back stroking his left shoulder. But after a moment she released him and straightened up, causing Zuko to whine at the loss of contact. He looked over to her inquisitively only to be met with an incredulous stare.

"Don't you need to start packing?" Zuko blinked at the odd question.

"What?"

"You're obviously not going to be able to find lady Ursa overnight, so you should at least consider bringing some luggage," Mai replied as-a-matter-of-factly.

"Wait..you're letting me go?" Zuko asked as he gawked her.

"Well, you're going to have to go eventually. Might as well get it over with now," she replied indifferently. Zuko could hardly believe his ears.

"You're serious." He almost flinched at the smirk he got from Mai with that.

"Oh, I'm beyond serious. I planned for this," Mai replied grinning slightly.

"What!"

"You're family problems have a tendency to resolve by you or another running away or getting kick out by random notice," his girlfriend explained with a tone of slight mockery. "And since you've already got a trip planned, I figured I might as well prepare some disappearing Zuko protocol." Zuko didn't know whether to laugh or continue gawking at her over this unexpected revelation. Mai, seeming to have noticed his confusion, reached into the folds of her black vest and pulled out a small scroll. "I've already arranged semi-impromptu visits for you with colonies who have issues they need you to go sort out. So long as you go and all resolve these problems before you return, you can leave the palace whenever you like (under the guise of being on official duty) and spend as long as you like on this search without anyone suspecting a thing. I've already spoken with Iroh about managing your official duties here while you're gone, so there's really nothing you'll need to worry about in terms of that." She winced as she felt Zuko's heavy hands clasp her shoulders in excitement.

"You. Are. The. Best-"

"Yeah yeah - get packing," she ordered, rolling her eyes. Then Mai found herself abruptly yanked into a rough kiss. After letting go of her, Zuko cupped his hands to her face and stared her straight in the eyes.

"Thank you." Mai rolled her eyes again, but then slacked her shoulders and smiled as she watched her boyfriend frantically running around the room trying to gather his traveling equipment together.

Zuko yawned and sighed as he walked to the docking sight of the now seldom used war balloons, keeping a loosed hold on Iroh's knife. As happy and grateful he was of Mai's support, there was no way to know whether Azula would even come. It wasn't like his dare was obvious. Still, Azula probably figured it out instantly. On the other hand, she could very easily have ignored it, or saw through his bluff and just decided that investigating wasn't worth her time. The chance that she was held back by the security wasn't exactly unlikely either, her prison was heavily guarded.

As Zuko contemplated the possibility of needing to wait, his ankle got caught on something, causing him to tumble forwards. Quickly catching himself with a flip, he spun backwards to see Azula, now somehow cleaned up and dressed in commoner's clothes, studying the now unsheathed knife that was previously in his hands. Zuko noticed, that while her hair was tied back in a neat ponytail, her face was free of the heavy makeup he was so accustomed to seeing her in (outside of her time in prison of course). Apparently there were words etched on the blade, as Azula's eyes scanned it like a script, before curtly sheathing it again.

"Give me your duties roster," she demanded before he had a chance to gripe at her for tripping him.

"How did you -"

"You're obviously not going to be allowed to just leave on a family trip a month after ascending the throne. Someone would have to have arranged for an excuse," she replied knowingly, rolling her eyes. Zuko mentally smacked himself as he went to grab Mai's scroll. This is Azula. Of course she would have broken out with ease, cleaned herself up, and arrived on time with all his plans figured out.

"Yeah, Mai did," he replied, handing his sister the scroll. Azula scoffed.

"Of course." Zuko glared at her for the unsaid 'no way you would've thought of it' part of the sentence. Deciding to be the better man, he choose to let that go. Noticing her rapid eye movement and frowns, he decided to offer her a map. But...if she needed one, she'd asked for it by now - she probably has the whole world map memorized or something anyways. Still, she shouldn't need to bother till they get to Ba Sing Se - oh wait -

"Mother's in Ba Sing Se, so we should go there first. I can take care of these problems later on my own." Zuko informed his sister thoughtfully. Azula glanced up at him incredulously.

"Who told you mother was in Ba Sing Se?"

"Father." A snort.

"So you don't know where she is at all." Azula corrected, rolling her eyes again and returning her attention back to the scroll.

"What do you mean?" Zuko demanded, frowning. Azula sighed and rolled up Mai's scroll, handing it back to him.

"Father's not an idiot. There's no way that he'd leave loose ends like that untied." She groaned as she saw Zuko's confused expression. "Mother knows the truth about how he ascended to the thrown, so he can't risk letting her run free in case she ever rats on him. If he knew where she was, he'd have had her assassinated immediately, which brings up the point that you therefore don't actually even know if she's alive or not. Go figure."

Zuko felt his heart drop into his stomach. He completely vanquished any possibility of Ozai having killed Ursa in his mind after the eclipse. Was he so desperate to believe that his mother was alive that he let his father play him for a fool? No. She's definitely alive. She wouldn't let Ozai get to her that easily.

"She's alive. I can feel it." He affirmed determinately as he stared at his clenched fists. Azula let out a breath of exasperation.

"My eyes are going to get sprung from their sockets from rolling them at you so much," she replied irritably. Zuko looked up curiously as he heard her walk away, surprised that it was towards a nearby war balloon. "Well do you want to find mother or not?" came Azula's annoyed voice. She continued walking without bothering to look back at him. Zuko snorted in amusement as he went to catch up to her. Uncle Iroh may be right yet again.

Author's Note:

Hi everyone,

sorry for the ultra late update - I was busy with finals and other stuff, but I this chapter makes up for it somewhat.

Thank you everyone for your reviews, comments, and favourites. This is the first fanfiction I've every 'published' so I really appreciate all of your support. And yes, I have every intention of finishing this so you don't have to worry about that. That's all for now, I'll try to have the next chapter up by the end of next week, so see you all then and thanks again for your support!


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